છેલ્લો એક પાસો – વલીભાઈ મુસા


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હાસ્ય ટુચકા હરીફાઈમાં એક કલાકાર સાવ નિષ્ફળ ગયો; કેમ કે તેણે ઉપરાઉપરી નીચેના ત્રણ ટુચકા કહી સંભળાવ્યા, છતાંય ઓડિયન્સમાં કોઈ એક જણ પણ હસ્યું નહિ.

૧)હું હાસ્યકલાકાર, હાસ્યકલા-સ્કુટર કે હાસ્યકલા-ખટારો નથી; પરંતુ હાસ્યકલા-સાઈકલ છું! પેટ્રોલિયમ પેદાશોના અસહ્ય ભાવવધારાને જોતાં હું જે છું તે, બરાબર છું અને મને તે હોવાનો પૂર્ણ સંતોષ છે.
2) હું મારા નોકરીના સ્થળે ચાલતો જ જાઉં છું, વળતાં સાથી-કર્મચારીના સ્કુટરે લિફ્ટ લઉં છું.
પેટ્રોલનો મોંઘો ભાવ પોષાતો ન હોઈ સ્કુટર ઘરે પડ્યું રાખુંછું. આમ મહિને દહાડે પાંચસો-એક રૂપિયાની પેટ્રોલની બચત થવા ઉપરાંત બીજા બારસો પદરસો રૂપિયાની બચત એક
બીજી રીતે પણ થાય છે.
વળીબજારમાંચાલતાં એક દિવાલ ઉપર હું પાનની પિચકારી મારતો નથી, કેમ કે હું પાન ખાતો જ નથી. આમ મહિને પાન ન ખાવાની ત્રણસો-એક રૂપિયાનીબચત અને દિવાલ ઉપર પિચકારી ન મારવાની રોજની પચાસ રૂપિયાની બચત આસાનીથી થઈ જાય છે. દિવાલ ઉપર સ્પષ્ટ સૂચના લખેલી છે કે “અહીં પાન ખાઈને પિચકારી મારનાર પાસેથી પચાસ રૂપિયા દંડ લેવામાં આવશે.”
(3) અમારા ગામનો એક ખેડૂત સાંજે ખેતરેથી ઘોડા ઉપર બેસીને ઘરે પાછો ફરતો હોય છે, પણ ઘાસનો ભારો માથે ઊંચકી રાખતો હોય છે. તેને આમ કેમ એવું પૂછવામાં આવતાં તે બે કારણો આપે છે. (1) ઘોડો સવારી માટે છે, નહિ કે ભાર ઊંચકવા માટે, અને;(2) ઘાસનો ભારો મારા માથે હોય તો બિચારા ઘોડાને એટલો ભાર ઓછો લાગે!
એક એકથી ચઢી જાય તેવા ઉપરોક્ત ત્રણેય ટુચકાઓ સંભળાવ્યા છતાં ઓડિયન્સમાંથી જ્યારે કોઈ પણ ન હસ્યુ, ત્યારે હાસ્યકલા-સાઈકલે આખરે છેલ્લો એક પાસો ફેંક્યો. પોતાના હાથે જ પોતાની પીઠ થાબડતાં બોલ્યો, “શાબાશ, ઓડિયન્સને ન હસવા માટે હિપ્નોટાઈઝ કરવામાં આખરે તું સો ટકા સફળ થયો
ખરો!”….
અને ઓડિયન્સ ખડખડાટ હસી પડ્યું.

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